She’s a Perfectionist…5 Things That We Have In Common
We Are Not Perfect
We are not perfect, but we think everything in our lives should be.
For years, I have pointed fingers at several people who I thought fit the description as a perfectionist. Sometimes we have a tendency to see faults in others but, turn a blinded eye to our own.
Perfectionists are people who refuse to accept any standard less than perfection. On the other hand, perfectionism (in psychology) is a personality trait characterized by someone striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, along with critical self-evaluations.
Battling Perfectionism
Well, let me tell you, that recently I have learned that all these years, I have been a perfectionist. I’ve been taking biblical counseling classes and while reading one of my assignments, I diagnosed myself with Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Back in 2011, I had my first and only girl. I’m blaming her for me becoming OCD. Ha-ha! I have to blame somebody, right?
We traveled quite a bit as a family. I’m not sure if you remember but I have two sets of children. We have three boys and one girl. Our boys are now 23, 22, 11, and Jazmine is 7. I call them the big people and the little people. We have an amazing blended family!
Germ-A-Phobe
Whenever we traveled, even though Jazmine was beyond the peeing in a potty stage, I brought it along anyway. I hated taking her into public restrooms! Even though I wiped the toilet seat and put the paper thingy on, that still wasn’t enough. It totally freaked me out!
When it was time for her to sit on the toilet, I picked her up and told her to kick her legs out because I didn’t want her legs touching the bottom part of the toilet. She would sometimes try to reposition herself and to do so, she grabbed the sides of the toilet to hold on. Oh my God! I would lose it.
The germs! The urine! The feces! I would yell, “Jazmine! I told you not to touch anything.” I specifically said not to touch the walls or the toilet.” I felt filthy! She thought her mommy had lost it.
We would get back into the car and I wouldn’t even want my shoes in the car after walking on the bathroom floor of the public restroom. Man this thing had me foreal yall! I literally felt dirty. I had to change my focus, so I wouldn’t think about it.
Perfectly Placed
Another OCD moment was whenever it was time to sit down at the table to eat a meal. I was at work and my coworker and I sat down to eat breakfast. She placed a paper towel on the table, blessed her food and began to eat. I also placed a paper towel on the table and sat my food down, but everything had to be in a certain place.
The utensils had to be properly positioned to the left. My cup had to be positioned upward and to the right of my bowl. My condiments had to be perfectly placed above my plate. By the time I got through setting up, my coworker was half way through her meal, and I hadn’t even begun. Yes, I know! You’re saying this chick has issues. Well this chick began working through those issues. Have you?
Work to Do
As I got deeper into my biblical studies, I felt that I needed to make counseling apart of my goals, so that I could better understand why these things were such an issue for me. In doing so, I found out that I too am a perfectionist. Who me? Who would have thought?
How was I able to identify those tendencies in others but didn’t see them in myself? Okay! So, I was like, I got some work to do.
I learned that pride was a root cause to my struggle with perfectionism. Some characteristics of those who struggle with perfectionism are as follows.
- Must be best at everything and must never fail.
- View themselves in terms of accomplishments and productivity.
- Very concerned with what others think.
- Tend to focus on the negative in a situation and exclude the positive.
- Are devastated by criticism.
- Feel, unappreciated.
Guilty As Charged
Well I don’t know about you, but I raised both hands for each characteristic listed. Yessss! I’m guilty and maybe you are to, so no worries, you are not alone. We sure do have some things in common, 5 to be exact. Often times we say and/or think things such as:
- “They just don’t appreciate the hard work that I do around here! I have been here alone all day and all night and not as much as a thank you from anyone!” Due to feeling unappreciated perfectionists often assume a victim attitude.
- “I’m afraid to try that. What if I fail?” Perfectionist seek instant perfection, so we aren’t willing to be a beginner. We fear humiliation.
- “My kids didn’t make the honor roll. I must not be a good mother.” We tend to blame ourselves for things that are not our doing.
- “I could never invite her to my house! What would she think about my old furniture?” As I said before, perfectionists are very concerned about what others think.
- “I don’t need help – I got this!” (Even though you’ve spent countless hours trying to complete it) We don’t like to depend on others because it acknowledges that we have limitations.
Perfectionism and Pride
Pride is a sinful parasite. It wreaks havoc in our lives causing us to want to be better than others. You’re always thinking that you deserve something good when in actuality, you don’t.
Pride will cause you to worry about what others think, and judge others who don’t live by your standards. You grumble and complain, and find fault with just about everything. Pride loves to be first. Prides resorts to defensiveness or anger whenever someone criticizes you.
Pride really is a devil in and of itself. Perfectionism and Pride go hand and hand.
I want you to take a good look at yourself. It’s not enough to see perfectionism and pride in your life and not do anything about it. You must actively put off wrong motives, attitudes, and actions.
Now you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We all have strongholds that we struggle with and we are not proud of those things. For years now, I have been struggling with these issues, like perfectionism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and pride. I was unaware of the fact that I was, so I was quick to call out somebody else, when in fact I was seeing these signs every time I looked into a mirror.
So, girl don’t trip! Maybe you are a perfectionist…but SO AM I.
