Are you in what seems to be a dead end relationship or a relationship that you are unable to define?  Are you dating? Are you friends or friends with benefits?

Maybe you’ve been shacking for quite some time now.  It’s been a while since you’ve had a date night.  You’re always home alone with the kids, while your significant other seems to enjoy his life to the fullest. 

You’ve been in this relationship for years and have heard the term “wifey” multiple times, but you know deep down inside that it’s not going to happen anytime soon if at all.  You scroll social media and see friends and acquaintances getting married.  They are actively planning they’re wedding and you can barely get a conversation going about getting engaged. 

His thoughts are why do you need a piece of paper to solidify what both of you already know? Really? Come on now!  You agree with him and then let it go.  Days go by and while scrolling social media, you see someone else that you know getting married. 

Now you’re comparing your relationship to theirs and wondering what is it that you need to do to make it happen.  You’re wondering…What is it that she does that you don’t do? What does she have that you don’t have?  Well the fact of the matter is……NOTHING! How do I know?  Because I’VE BEEN THERE…..Don’t believe me? Let me tell you!

YOU DESERVE BETTER! For years, I stayed in a dead end relationship because I didn’t know my worth.  We seem to think that if there is a child involved that we should try to make things work.  But, let me remind you, that YOU ARE NOT MARRIED!

I had my own apartment and thought that the relationship that I was in was meant to be.  Well I was wrong.  I worked and went to school.  It was my apartment, my car, food that I purchased, and light and gas that I paid for.

My son and I were always home alone.  I was miserable.  My so called boyfriend was living it up, with his friends and his chicks on the side.  I was tired and I was hurt.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.

My friends were getting married and spending time as a family.  Every night I was sad and lonely.  I started attending church.  I grew up in church, so I knew where I needed to be.  I had to get myself together.  My son needed me.  He didn’t need to see me upset and crying all the time.

Church was a success! My spirits were lifted.  One Sunday, we all went to church as a family.  I thought to myself, God is working this thing out. WRONG! 

I went up to the altar for prayer that Sunday and the song that the choir was singing hit me like a ton of bricks and I wept like a baby.  I made it back to my seat and broke down completely.

THIS WAS A TEST!  I could not stop crying.  My son came to me and tried to console me.  My friend was sitting on the side of the church and walked over and sat next to me and rested my head on her shoulder and I cried even more.

Let me remind you that my so called boyfriend was sitting next to me the entire time and he didn’t utter a word.  He didn’t place a hand on my shoulder, wipe my tears, or even give me Kleenex to wipe them myself. 

In that moment, I was hurt and humiliated.  The man that I thought was for me wasn’t at all.  I mean all along, he was showing me that and I just didn’t want to see it.  I allowed my heart to take control.  Sometimes we must be careful with the desires of our heart.

When we returned home that Sunday, I was a different person.  I was fed up and it was time to make some changes.  I knew that I deserved better.  I began to see my worth.  God reminded me who I was and whose I was.

Sometimes we want so desperately to be with someone, we settle.  And settling is not good because you begin to allow things that will set you up to be hurt.  And, that is unacceptable.  Allow me to give you a few pointers.

You should ask questions upfront.  Ask questions like, “Are you ready to date? Is marriage in your future?  What are your goals in life? Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?” Now you have answers that are needed to know if this person is one that you should befriend or date.

You should know what you want.  What are your goals as the female? Do you want a friend or a life-long partner?  If marriage is your ultimate goal, then you must get to know yourself and establish an intimate relationship with God.

You should court each other.  A long time ago, courting was popular.  Let’s not get courting confused with dating.  When courting, you are in an intense relationship with someone, with the desire to marry.  On the other hand, dating is a social event where two people meet for companionship.  That’s a big difference!

Have him pick you up and take you out, open doors, and pull out your chair.  See to it that he brings you back home at a respectable time.  Never consider shacking and sexual activity should be off limits.

Be his friend, then court him, be his fiancé, and then become his wife…in that order.

Pray very specific prayers.  Pray for the relationship that you want and the marriage that you intend to have.  Begin to speak those things that are not as though they were.

Study God’s Word about marriage.  You can study the Word together.  There are scriptures that speak on a Godly wife, a Godly husband, and a Godly marriage.

I know that all along you knew that YOU DESERVED BETTER, but you just needed confirmation.   You needed a little nudge on the shoulder to remind you of your worth.  Please remember that settling is not an option.  Set your expectations early on so there won’t be any misunderstandings.  Next, ask questions upfront.  There shouldn’t be any confusion as to what you want in the relationship or what he wants in the relationship.  Third, court each other.  If marriage is being talked about or considered, you must take the time to get to know each other.  Pray, let’s not forget to pray those specific prayers.  Most importantly, study God’s Word about marriage.  You cannot go wrong with God’s Word.  It will never lead you wrong.