Know Your Circle

How many positive cheerleaders do you have on your team? Are they positive people or negative people? There are 4 kinds of negative people that you should avoid.

During your school days, I’m sure you can remember being taught a lesson on integers. The rule was positive and positive, add and get a positive. Then a negative and negative, add and get a negative. A positive and a negative, use the sign of the largest and find the difference. Let’s use this rule to think about the people in our lives.

You know that some are there for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. God has a plan and a purpose for you. But, some of those people will need to be removed because they are stunting your growth. They are blocking the door to your purpose with their negative talk.

You’ve been struggling with your abilities. Thinking you aren’t smart enough to go back to school or launch that business. Perhaps you’ve started a new venture and they had nothing positive to say. They never compliment you or applaud you for your wins. You’re putting your best foot forward, but their always negative.

Cheerio-sized Circle

Let me tell ya, I too have walked a mile in your shoes. I have always been a positive person and an observer. I am an introvert. So, I’m the chick in the corner the room, off to herself observing the environment in which I find myself. I notice the folks that have a temperature change in their attitudes, tone, and body language.

You know, the ones that become a chameleon when around certain people. My intentions are to stay far away from them. However, my positivity seems to always attract them to me. Whenever I find myself in that type of situation, I am always cordial, but please know that I am also very cautious.

While listening to a podcast, I heard a gentleman describe the people that were in my circle. The podcast was entitled, “4 Types of Negative People,” by Jay Shetty. I could literally see there faces as he described them and knew that my already small circle needed to shrink much more.

Circle Check

The negative people were described of having negative traits. You see they didn’t want to be negative and didn’t think that they were. We all have a past and most of the time, bad experiences from the past, has lead to fear.  The fear of distrust, being disrespected and the fear of not being loved.  Fear is a stronghold that can be broken.

If your circle is positive and cheering you on with encouragement and not discouragement, you are in good company. But you do need the right team of cheerleaders. Be mindful of the people that make you feel guilty for telling them no, as if you owe them an explanation as to why you can’t do something for them.  Setting boundaries is a big deal.  So, allow me to share with you the four kinds of negative people to avoid.

Avoid the V’s

First, you got the venter. These are the ones you call and every time you do, they are always complaining about something. They find fault with everything and don’t see the good in anything. These folks never ask how you’re doing. It’s all about them and their problems. And, the kicker is that they never do anything about it.

Then, there’s the victim. The victim feels the entire world is against them. They’re always pointing the finger at someone other than themselves. These people have a victim mentality. It’s never their fault!

Third is the vicious. This is your manipulator. Jealous and envious of you and everyone else. The vicious wants to take others down. They see your home and the car that you drive, not considering all that God has done and the hard work that you put in.
Finally, you have the violent. These folks are abusive! They physically, mentally and emotionally abuse others. They have been abused. And, we know that hurt people, hurt people.

Time’s Up

In my experience, I had no choice but to subtract the negative nellies from my life. And, you should too. Those negative nellies are family and so-called friends. I needed encouragement, and so do you.

If you’ve dealt with rejection, (I have) for your health, you can no longer keep them around. The relationships are all one-sided. You applaud and congratulate and give pats on the back. You do the giving.

But you’re never on the receiving end and that’s getting old, quickly. You may have some that seem to be in competition with you, but your goal is for both of you to win. A mental and spiritual shift will have to take place for them to realize that there are enough blessings for everyone.

The time has come to slowly withdraw from everything negative including all negative nellies. Your life depends on it!

Positive Vibes Only

First and foremost, by now you should know who the negative nellies are in your life. Let everyone know that you are on a mission to live a positive, drama-free life. It’s time to transfer your energy to your passion and your purpose.

You can still talk to them but limit the amount of time spent. Whenever the conversation takes a left turn down venter, victim, vicious, or violent lane, times up. You don’t have to be mean, just kindly remind them of your mission. Just say, “positive vibes only.”

If your decision isn’t respected then, cut the cord. Sever it, expeditiously! When your vision or mission isn’t supported, that person doesn’t deserve you and most definitely your time.

Don’t Drown, Turn Around

Remember you are not a dumping ground and “your ears are not trash cans,” as Joel Osteen often says. It’s okay to be a good listener, but don’t put your energy in by trying to solve the problem.

I’m sure, like me you are a very compassionate person and always feel the need to help. Whenever someone is in need, you feel it’s your duty to fix whatever it is. But nine times out of ten, there is a lesson being taught to them. That lesson is not your assignment. It’s only your assignment, if God told you that it was.

Here’s an analogy that was very helpful for me, used by Jay Shetty. Imagine trying to save someone that’s drowning. You jump into the water with the intention of saving that person, but you get pulled with them. You both drown.

Energy Shift

Life is like that when we entertain negativity and allow it to enter our environment. So, as a reminder, turn around, don’t drown. Keep the negative people and energy out and surround yourself with all things positive.

Don’t allow other people’s problems or opinions to stop your shine. You can do all things through Christ. God sometimes isolates us during our pruning season. It gets lonely, but it’s so worth it.

The joy and peace that you feel is like no other. It’s the joy you often hear about when said, “the world didn’t give it, and the world can’t take it away.” Life is what you make it, but if complaining, finger-pointing, manipulating, and abusing are part of it, then you’re in need of a negative energy detox. Check yourself and check your circle.

Remember the 4 kinds of negative people to avoid are “the venters, the victims, the vicious, and the violent.” Stay clear! Avoid them like the plague.

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